The Tale of Freedom
by Carol Molliniere
Summary: What would have happened if Judas had not gone through the "suicide" part. Summary better than title. Rated for safety. Yes, it will offend.
1. Chapter 1

**The Tale of Freedom**

**By: Carol Molliniere**

**A/N: Yes, this time I have certainly lost my mind. If I die right after publishing this, I'm probably going straight to Hell. But maybe the evil side does have cookies…Hm…**

**Anyway, what I just did here is what would've happened if Judas Iscariot had _not_ committed suicide. Yup, that's totally off the plot bunny pet store. Not many people actually write stuff about this subject, so I'm giving it a shot.**

**And yeah, I know my stories are beginning to suck a little...  
**

**Now get on with the show!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Bible. If others did, Jesus would've hooked up with either Mary Magdalene and/or Judas Iscariot. But then again, some of us (including me) don't like pairing Jesus with anyone…so yeah. If I did, then maybe the minor characters (especially those of the New Testament) would've been given more attention… (What? I read between the lines.) But I DON'T.**

* * *

I ran out of the temple and into the vast desert, past the Garden of Gethsemane, where I had betrayed Him. I didn't know what to do anymore. My mind was blurred, my vision obscured. The only thing cutting through my head was what had happened some five minutes earlier.

"_I have sinned, for I have betrayed innocent blood!"_

"_What is that to us? That's your responsibility."_

I was only a tool, which was employed to kill my Teacher.

"I'm can't believe this!" I yelled out to no one in particular, just the desert plants and myself. "I wish I could just die right now!"

As if on cue, since it was dark, I tripped and fell over, hitting my head on a rock. The last thing I remember was the silence of the night.

Silence. What a perfect way to say it was my fault for Rabbi's death.

* * *

My eyes opened. I didn't know where the hell I was, or what I was doing here, or even what my own name was. _"Did I just fall asleep here…?"_ What I did know, though, is that my head was throbbing. I looked around, looking for anyone in particular.

"Hello? Is anyone around?" I wandered around in the dry place, looking for someone, anyone. But nothing was there except for sand and these trees. Below them I found some water. I lowered myself down and drank out of it. I didn't know how long I had wandered around, but my throat sure felt dry. After that short break, I headed around again until evening. I wasn't sure what to do or who I was.

I stopped right in front of this wall. I couldn't figure out how to get through until I saw an opening right on my left. I sneaked over there for a bit before realizing that two giant doors made of planks were covering the openings. Figuring my head hurt, I lay down and fell asleep on the sand in front of it.

All the while I was trying to figure out just who exactly I was and what I was doing all this time.

* * *

The next day, the giant doors were open, though no one was going in or out. They just seemed to be going about their business. Or at least that's what I think they were doing.

"Excuse me, sir?" someone standing at the doors said. I only realized then that there were people standing right in front of me. They were dressed in clothing rather unlike mine, and their features seemed to be slightly different in nationality from the people from inside the structure. _"Wait, how do I know all this stuff?"_

"Uh, um, yes?" I asked, turning to them. "Who are you, and do you have the permission to step into this gate?"

"I – Uh – " I, for one, could not figure out what the heck my name was! They were staring at me, waiting for an answer. I had nothing to give them, not even my own identity. I was about to state that to them when suddenly I heard a name single me out.

"Yosef, son of Zedekiah!" a man called me. "What are you doing here outside of the city gates? We have to go to the Temple to worship immediately!" The men noticed him just standing there. "I'm sorry, sir, is this your brother?" one of them asked him. He nodded. "Yes, I'm sorry, good sirs. I'm afraid he gets lost often. Once, we were having dinner when he was missing from the table. Turns out he was out all the way as Bethany. Our father was not happy," he explained. "Alright," one of the men by the doors said, looking me up and down. "But we're watching you, so be more careful next time." I nodded, and stepped into the so-called city.

As soon as we had gotten a little farther from the men by the so-called "gates", the man turned to me and said, "I can't believe that actually fooled them! They actually thought you were my brother, 'Joseph'!" Then he laughed – no, more like guffawed. I just stood there, unaware of what was going on. "So, does that mean I'm _not_ your brother?" I asked, tilting my head. He looked up from me, trying to recover from his laughter. "W-what?" he wheezed out. "Of course not! I just did that to keep you from getting in trouble with the Romans," he explained. "Unless, of course, you really get lost."

"I…guess…" I said, not sure if I should tell him that I was hungry and cold, had no idea where I was or even what my own name was. He held out his hand to me, as if expecting me to take something from it. "Philip, son of Zedekiah. What is your name?" I scratched my head. "Uh…" What was I supposed to give him?

He looked me over. "Don't tell me, you don't even know your own name?" "No, I don't," I blurted out. "_There. I said it; I don't know my own name. How nice."_

Philip looked at me like I was insane. "Don't be silly. You should know your own name." I blew a lock of red hair off my face. "I do; it's just that…I can't remember it, no matter how hard I try." He looked unimpressed. "You don't have a demon inside you that makes you forget, do you?" he asked. "Uh…what's…a demon?" I asked. He slapped his face. "Don't play dumb; even if you don't know your own name, you must know whether or not you have a demon." Then he put a hand to his chin. "Of course, you don't look like you're possessed by a demon…"

Then he looked straight at my forehead as if there were something on it. I was about to ask him what he just saw when he said, "That's an awfully bad-looking wound you have there," he said. Then he took my hand and led me somewhere, wherever he wanted me to go. "Come on, my house is just nearby."

* * *

Philip had called for his wife, Leah, so she could help me. She ushered the both of us into their house, and, after closing the curtains (they said no work was allowed on this day), they cleaned off my wound and put a cloth (they called it a "bandage") on it. After this, they were talking to each other about something. Every now and then, they would look at me, and I couldn't help but wonder about what they were talking about.

After a while Leah turned to me. "Excuse me for saying this," she said, "but are you one of the disciples of Yeshuah of Nazareth?"

I tilted my head once again. "Who?"

Philip rolled his eyes. "Surely you knew who Yeshuah of Nazareth was. He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before Adonai* and all the people. The chief priests and our rulers handed Him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified Him; but we had hoped that He was the one who was going to redeem Israel."** Leah nodded. "That's what we had thought, being His followers," she sighed, seating herself on a chair, "but I guess we were wrong."

I listened throughout their explanation. "When did they condemn him?" "They had arrested Him the day before yesterday, and yesterday they had killed Him. They had buried Him in a hurry, since today is now the Sabbath, where none of us are supposed to do any work," Philip said, "like tend to some stranger we had met off the barren wastes of the desert." Then Leah added, "But we did anyway, since Rabbi Yeshuah had told us to uphold the spirit of the Law rather than the Law itself." I nodded. "He seems like an upright man."

"_But where had I heard that name before?"_, I thought.

"Yes, but we had hoped that He was more than a man," Philip said, seating himself as well. I could tell they were disappointed. "Then who did you think he was?" I asked. Leah whispered something to him, and then Philip whispered something to her back. I watched them have a conversation with each other for about 5 minutes when they turned back to me.

"Forgive us if this offends you," Philip said, "but we had hoped that He was the Anointed One of Adonai, the Messiah Himself." Now I was really interested. Though I could not remember my own name, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that the Messiah was to redeem Israel, to be the eternal ruler. And what made them believe that Yeshuah of Nazareth – wherever that was – could actually be the long-awaited Messiah?

As if reading my mind, Philip continued, "It wasn't hard for us to believe that He was the Messiah, though. He said many amazing things to us and performed miracles. He had healed the blind, sick, and lame, cured the lepers and the deaf, cast out demons – sometimes by only the words He had said – along with having fed more than a thousand men with only a few bread and fish, not to mention that His apostles had said that even the wind and the waves obeyed His commands – once they said He had walked on the water in a storm!"

Leah smiled wistfully. "He was such a great man; He even reached out to the outcasts. He would even talk good of the people around Him, like lepers, women, children, Samaritans, even the Romans. He had love for everyone, even in some of the stories He had told us." I felt like I had known this man before. But where?

Philip continued for her. "He even spoke against the chief priests and elders, as well as the Pharisees. He said that what they were doing with the Law was wrong, that they were blind guides and hypocrites. How believable everything He has said is." Then they looked at me more intently than before.

"Now are you sure you're not one of His disciples?" they asked me.

I shook my head. "I didn't know a thing about him until you told me," I said, "but I have a feeling I've met Him somewhere before." Then I went on. "When you talk good of Him and what He did, I feel a sliver of reminiscence, as if He were my friend. But then again, I don't remember if He was. When you talk of His death, it makes me have a weird feeling." I clutched at my clothes, at the spot right above my beating heart. "Like guilt."

"Maybe you were a disciple of His, but you just don't remember." Leah said. "Where did you get the idea that I was one of His followers?" I asked. "I don't know," Philip said. "But you look just like one of the Twelve."

"The Twelve? Who are they?"

"The closest apostles of Yeshuah," Philip said. "They followed Him everywhere and knew about His teachings. They would talk to each other in secret, and they lodged in the place wherever He would lodge." Then he said, "If my memory serves, you look just like the only Jewish man in the Twelve."

"Who?"

He shrugged. "I don't remember."

* * *

Philip and Leah had invited me to stay with them for the night, and I couldn't just exactly say no. So I stayed. And all through the night, even after this so-called "Passover" meal, I wondered about this so-called prophet named Yeshuah of Nazareth. He always kept feeling so familiar to me; in fact, so familiar I couldn't even put my mind to sleep about this.

It was already dawn and my brain was about to burn itself out when suddenly the ground shook. It was strong enough to keep me from standing up, but it ended so quickly.

Philip ran into the doorway, carrying a lamp. "Are you alright?" he asked me. I nodded, still in shock. "What was that?" I asked. "That was a rather powerful earthquake," he commented. He looked out my window, and a look of surprise came upon his face. Then he turned to me. "That's odd," he said.

"Not much damage came upon the city."

* * *

Philip had run out to check if everyone was alright, and Leah was assisting him. I just stood there in my room, wondering what could have caused that shake. And Yeshuah of Nazareth was _still_ on my mind.

"_Why am I so frustrated right now? What is so special about this man, that He's always on my mind?"_

A gust of wind, a presence felt, my head turned and there he was.

A man. He looked to be younger than I was, no more in his mid-thirties or something. He had brown hair and a simple robe on; in fact, not much to throw me off.

Except for the fact that he had puncture wounds on his hands and feet.

"_And those eyes…"_

"Peace be with you," he said, looking me in the eyes, "Y'hudah, son of Simon Iscariot."

I wanted to turn away; and yet his stare held me in the spot. "Who…who are you?" I asked. He just grinned and said plainly, "Yeshuah of Nazareth."

"No…no, they said you were dead…"

"I have risen from the dead. Had I not told you that before, Y'hudah?" He said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I took a sharp breath.

And all of a sudden, everything came back to me.

I was Y'hudah, son of Simon Iscariot. I was a disciple of Yeshuah, this Man – no, much more than a man – standing in front of me…I was the treasurer, but because I couldn't control my greed, I stole some of the coins…I had felt that Yeshuah was not making too much of a move on saving Israel from Rome…I went to the priests…took the thirty silver pieces from them…and betrayed Him!

"Yeshuah!" I yelled out, backing away until my back hit the window ledge. I could have ran out the door, but I didn't. Yeshuah was supposed to be good as dead right now, and yet there He was in front of me, and I wanted to see why. "I can see you have not done away with yourself, Y'hudah, even with all the remorse you have right now." He said, taking a step forward. I shuddered. "Yeshuah…you're supposed to be dead!"

"Behold, I have risen nonetheless, Y'hudah," He said. Then He looked at me straight in the eye yet again. I swallowed, feeling a lump in my throat. "Are you afraid of me?" Yeshuah asked, moving closer. "I…can't believe this…" I clutched at my heart. "I betrayed You…something terrible should have happened to me. So why…" I finally dared to look away. "…Why am I still alive?"

Yeshuah smiled upon me. "Do you not think my Father still loves those He creates? He might as well have given you a second chance," He put a hand on my shoulder again, "and He did."

My eyes went to a hole on His wrist. "You really are…alive?" "Of course, Y'hudah; otherwise what business would I have standing here?" He said. Then He added, "And I have forgiven you."

I was about to say something else when at this point, Philip and Leah burst in through the door. "Sorry for taking so long," Philip said. Then both of them noticed our Teacher standing in the middle of the room. A mix of joy and shock came upon their face, and then they fell on their knees before Him. "Rabbi!" they said in unison.

"Hello, my children," Yeshuah said. "Peace be upon this house, and bless all who believe."

* * *

**A/N: * - I think it would be better for them to refer to God as Adonai, since YHWH is too sacred for Jews to utter.**

**** - Luke 24: 19-21**

**So, what did you all think of that? I got Jesus's and Judas's Hebrew names from American Companion; but I kept "Simon Iscariot" because some people might be confused. Oh, and I don't know a lot about Jewish government and their ways of life, so please bear with me…? ^ ^; (Hard to understand politics anyway.)  
**

**Philip and Leah of Jerusalem are original characters. Any resemblance to real people and/or events is purely coincidental. (That is, unless they were part of the Seventy…)**

**And yeah, I understand why you would hate; I mean, Judas _did_ commit suicide, and there's no changing that fact. But don't post flames; you'll only humiliate yourself.**

**Review please?  
**


	2. Chapter 2: The Rest of the Twelve

**A/N: Goodness! I apologize for not updating so soon, Iris Princess 6-7! Sorry, I was just uninspired; I was in some sort of writer's block. But hopefully, this is good enough to make up for my absence. This chapter contains one of my favorite post-resurrection scenes, thus I think this must help. A bit.**

**So…let me give you…**

**The second chapter of "The Tale Of Freedom"!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything besides Philip and Leah of Jerusalem. And the conversations that aren't in the Bible.**

**Warning: Judas is alive in the post-resurrection time in this fanfiction. That pretty much sums up whether or not you might want to get out of here.**

* * *

For a few days I was uncertain of what to do. Sure, Yeshuah was alive, and that was good news, but I mean the _others_. And no, I don't mean the other good news; there's enough for one thirty-nine year old to handle. I meant the rest of the Twelve. I heard from Philip and Leah that they, along with the rest of Yeshuah's followers, were joyous at this news, but with the news about me? I'm not sure Philip and Leah even got a single positive result from revealing that to the others.

Speaking of Philip and Leah, for now I was staying at their house, for fear of persecution. And not only the Jews. Like I said before, the rest of the Twelve. Philip told me they weren't too ecstatic about finding out I was still around. Mostly because I had betrayed Yeshuah. Thankfully, my house hadn't been under suspicion, but I think my wife Rachel and my daughter Eliana are starting to worry about me. That and also I hid whenever one of the Twelve showed up at Philip and Leah's house.

One day, Philip came home, breathless. "Y'hudah!" he said, and I looked up. "What is it?" I asked. "Yeshuah is going up to Galilee," he replied. "I think you should go up there as well as the rest of the Twelve." I shuddered at the mention of them, then I turned away slightly. "How can I make peace with them? They still probably want to stone me for being a traitor."

"Y'hudah," Leah addressed me softly, "you know that the Teacher has told us to forgive others from our heart*****. Surely they will take you back, if you show them that you are truly sorry for your sins." Then she gave me a compassionate smile. "So go to them. After all, Rabbi Yeshuah will want you to be there."

Reluctantly, I nodded my head.

"OK."

* * *

"I wish you good luck on your journey, friend," Philip said, giving me a sack of five loaves of bread and a few fish. _"Funny. Rabbi Yeshuah had multiplied this amount of bread and fish during His ministry."_****** I thought.

"Thank you both for helping me. It might have been a great burden to let me stay with you, though," I said, taking the sack of food from them. "Oh, don't worry about it. It was nothing of the sort," Philip said. I couldn't help but smile back. "Well, maybe we can meet again someday," I said. Then I turned around and went on my way. "Goodbye!"

While I was within earshot of them, I heard the both of them talking about something involving a baby. I smirked.

* * *

For a few days, while traveling to Galilee, I was wondering about what I should say to them. I couldn't just stroll in and casually greet them; from my perspective, they could be wanting to kill me for all I care. I tried to comfort myself with the fact that Yeshuah would be there.

All that resulted in was confusion and almost getting a panic attack once.

By the time I reached Galilee, I was worn out, tired, _among other things_. But I was determined to at least make them forgive me. And see Yeshuah again, I hoped. I couldn't let this get me down when I've come all this way!

"That's right!" I yelled out loud excitedly. "By the time I find them, I'm going to apologize, and then hopefully I'm going to be forgiven!"

I then began to notice all the weird stares coming at me from the Galileans in the marketplace. Slightly embarrassed, I walked on to Capernaum.

When I got to Capernaum, the first place I was practically in a hurry to be at was the Sea of Tiberias. Or rather, the Sea of Galilee. Knowing that at least a few of the Twelve were fishermen, I hoped for at least some of them to come around.

After the night was done, I made my way there at early morning. There was a boat out there already, but it was already coming back into shore. Then my eyes turned to the shore, and my eyes widened.

It was Yeshuah. Even though a tan scarf covered His head, I knew it was Him. I stayed a bit far off to be careful.

"Friends!" He yelled across the shore, catching the attention of the men on the boat. They turned His way, and I could recognize them, even at this distance. It was Simon Peter-bar-Jonah, Thomas Didymus, Nathanael Bartholomew*******, John and James – who were the sons of Zebedee – and two others, who were Philip (from Bethsaida) and Andrew-bar-Jonah. "Haven't you any fish?" Yeshuah asked.

They shook their heads. "No…" John answered. "Not a single one." Yeshuah smiled and said, "Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some." I saw that they did as He commanded, and then I waited for the outcome.

My breath hitched as they hauled in the nets.

Or at least, they _tried_ to.

There was so much fish in the nets, they could barely tow it into the boat. "It is the Lord!" I heard John say. "Who else could do that?" At this, Peter got up, put his garments on, and jumped into the water. He was swimming like a maniac. I turned to Yeshuah, and it seemed He was starting to prepare a breakfast around a charcoal fire of fish and some bread. I put a hand over my grumbling stomach; I had not eaten since morning yesterday. The food I had ran out.

Peter got to the shore in record time, and a few moments later, the boat he was previously in soon followed. Yeshuah said, "Bring some of the fish you have just caught," He said, and then turned in my direction.

"And make sure Y'hudah over there helps you out."

I cringed and flushed up to my ears.

* * *

It was incredibly awkward. Along with the fact that every one smelled like fish (which none of us minded one bit), it was the fact that _I_ was with them, hauling the fish onto the shore out of the boat. We were silent. I glanced the way of Peter and John, but so far, no one had spoken, not even me. I guess my confidence was kicked out of my heart, just like the fish were dragged out onto the shoreline of the Sea of Galilee.

"_Kill me now,"_ I thought, a line of sweat dripping from my brow.

Once we had put the net on the shore, me, Philip, and Peter were given the menial task of counting the fish. I winced as I realized no one except Yeshuah was going to talk to me. That is, until we reached the seventy-sixth fish.

"So…what's new with the both of you?" Philip asked.

Never before has one of us asked such an awkward question before. At least, to me.

Peter shrugged. "Not much is going on right now. Except, you know, _now_, of course. And besides, Rabbi is alive…isn't that right, Y'hudah?" he said, turning to me. I shuddered. I guess three years hadn't made Peter any less intimidating. Well, I guess it did, but it started all over again at this hour.

"…Uh…yes, He…is." I said, chalking off the eighty-sixth fish. Or was that ninety-nine? I left it up to the number genius Philip to keep count. I wasn't that used to fish anyway. (Must be my Judean heritage…)

Then I looked around. "Um…where are the others?" I asked. "What?" Philip asked. "Where are the other four?" I asked, referring to Matthew, Simon the Zealot, James-bar-Alphaeus, and Jude Thaddeus.

"Oh, them," Andrew said, who was passing by. "They're back in my older brother's house. I think they're still asleep, since it's still so early in the morning." I nodded. "I really wish they could have gotten a chance to see Rabbi Yeshuah again," Andrew continued. But just as he said that, I noticed four men coming out to the lake.

"Never mind that, brother," Peter said, pointing a finger in their direction. "It seems they've already arrived."

"Mm…what is that?" Jude asked, coming closer. "I can smell something's cooking." Yeshuah waved at them. "I see you've awakened, my brethren. Come join us." I twitched a little. _"How exactly can He be so calm at a time like this? Either that, or I'm the only one who's feeling awkward."_

"Look at all that fish," Matthew commented, walking up to us. "Yeah," Philip said. "We just finished counting. There are 153 fish, all in all!" "And I'm surprised that the nets didn't break with so many," Thomas added.

"Thomas?" Nathanael said.

"Yeah?"

"For once in your life, stop talking."

"I'm just pointing it out, sheesh," Thomas said.

"Now, why don't you all come over and eat now? The food is ready! Come and have breakfast," Yeshuah said, coming over to us. We all nodded and sat around the fire. Yeshuah then put the food in our hands, and we accepted it and ate. I couldn't eat comfortably, however, with everyone around me. I couldn't relax, because I needed to know if I was forgiven or not. Surely you would think that the way they talked to me proved that they already had, but I needed to be sure. After all, they might be hiding it in their hearts…

"Y'hudah, are you OK? You're so quiet," Yeshuah said, causing everyone's attention to turn on me. I looked up and said, "Yeah, I'm fine, it's just…"

My eyebrow twitched a bit, but I had made up my mind. It was time to ask them.

"…I was wondering…if you've forgiven me or not…" There you have it. I just said that, spilling out all of my apologetic feelings onto that one question. There was a pause, and I was getting more and more tense until young John piped up.

"Of course! What did you think, Y'hudah, it's not like we can hate someone forever," he said, taking a big bite out of his bread before continuing. "Besides, Rabbi Himself told us to forgive each other. Don't you think we can apply that in daily life?" _"John, stop talking with your mouth full for once,"_ I thought. But I had to admit, I was grateful for his response. And to my surprise, the rest nodded their agreement. I smiled, because just like the old times, I no longer felt like an outcast.

* * *

After the meal, we got up to clean some of the fish from the catch that we had not eaten. Peter stayed behind to talk with Rabbi. I didn't know what for, but I wasn't about to ask. I could be butting in on something private, after all.

"I can't believe it, Nathanael," Philip said to his best friend. "153 fish in one catch! And the nets didn't even break!" Nathanael just shrugged. "Well, Philip, that's just Rabbi Yeshuah for you." As I listened to them conversing, I watched the sun rise on the Sea of Galilee. It made the waters sparkle. And so I was caught off guard when a slippery fish landed in my hand.

"Whoa!" I said, looking down at the fish in my hands. "Well, since you're here, Y'hudah, might as well get started on cleaning the fish," Andrew said, giving me a clean cloth. "Thank you," was all I could muster before wiping the fish.

We cleaned some more before returning to where Peter and Yeshuah were. I picked up on some of what Rabbi was saying; something about being led where one does not want to go. I couldn't be sure, however, since there might have been some parts I missed in order to understand this one.

Then Yeshuah put out the fire and stood up. Peter stood up as well. Yeshuah turned to us.

"Follow me!"

* * *

**A/N: Yes! It is finally finished! The story can be found in John 21: 1-19. I didn't put in the rest, since I knew that if I did, then the ending would turn out sucking. But hey, it was good, right? And I'm sorry if I made Judas too scared of the rest of the Twelve…that's just me and my mind. =P  
**

**As much as you want me to continue, I intend to leave this fanfiction a two-shot. There's not much I want to write later on, I don't want to tarnish Matthias's reputation of anything of the sort. This is only a NON-PROFIT WORK OF FICTION, and I would highly appreciate it if you didn't try to flame it. If you'll flame it, then I will honestly hunt you down and set your stories on fire. (But I don't like to settle it that way, since I'm anti-flamer; I'd just give you a virtual slap, regardless of what gender you flamers are.) And yeah, I highly regard the fact that Judas _did_ commit suicide; didn't I tell you that in the last chapter? Oh, well.**

*** - Matthew 18: 35**

**** - Matthew 14: 13-21; Mark 6: 30-44; Luke 9: 10-17; John 6: 1-15**

***** - Yes, I think that Nathanael was the same person as Bartholomew.**

**And yeah, I know, I'm a sucker for Manga Messiah. Some of the extra dialogue (see if you can guess which ones) came from it, as well as my thinking that Philip and Andrew joined them in fishing and that Philip is a math genius.**

**You all probably know what Philip and Leah were talking about the last time you saw them in this chapter.**

**And flamers, you have fair warning.**

******Review, people!**


End file.
